Thursday, December 31, 2009

A (late) Festivus Miracle!

Sweet mother of all that is good and pure the world must be coming to an end. I've finally found a physician who says things like this (emphasis added by yours truly).

Courtesy of Dr. Grumpy:
In all honesty, most other docs wouldn't care, and say they can't help him. Or would tell him to put the pills on a credit card. Or say it's the pharmacy's issue and to call them. Or to go to an ER (I have no idea why he should go to ER for this, but it's amazing how many docs send patients there for stupid shit like this).

My personal favorite is the patient who honestly believes that their physician is going to meet them in the ER. At least once a week I have to tell a patient that they will be seeing the ED physician and not their primary care doctor. If I had a nickel for every time a patient said "well my doctor told me to go to the ED so I just called 911" then I'd be...well I'd still be a broke paramedic, but I'd have enough change for a cup of coffee.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Effin Spam

Apparently the spam-bots have found my blog. (Yay for more site hits?)
So now a login is required to comment. No big whoop.

Ho, Ho, Ho, y'all.

p.s. word verification has been added too

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Original Content. Eh, not today folks

From the 'Too Lazy to Write Original Content' muse I present you with some linky love. JayG has a post up today about the responsibility that comes with concealed carry. He sums it up quite well when he says.

Having a permit to carry a firearm doesn't make you a tough guy. It's not a license to shoot off your mouth, nor is it permission to let your guard down and be careless because, hey, you have a gun. It's a deadly serious proposition that means you have to man up, put on the big boy pants, and let the loudmouth think he won the battle of wits. You have to be prepared to humble yourself to the jackass that wants to be the center of attention. You have to be ready to walk away, and to hell with what anyone thinks.

Because you carry, you absolutely must know that your defensive weapon is a tool of last resort. The gun doesn't make you a bad ass, the gun makes you accountable for your actions*

*Or at least it should, if you're too stupid to not already be accountable for your actions then you have no business carrying in the first place.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

On Google.

In retrospect I guess it all started with Blogger. I blame Ambulance Driver for it all as I was somehow led to his blog one day. It started innocently enough- just one blog, I figured I could stop any time I wanted to. I certainly didn't *need* it, it was just something to pass the time. But like with any addiction one hit led to every now and then, every now and then led me to other blogs and before I knew it I had a whole folder of bookmarks in Firefox dedicated solely to blogs. Then the webcomics came.

I dabbled with Google Docs briefly, collaborating on a project that never came to fruition, but then realized that Google Docs could serve as an online repository for the assorted certificates I hold and also as a resource for students to find my lecture slides.

I eventually figured that a folder of bookmarks wasn't enough and so when I upgraded MS Office I found that Outlook 2007 could handle RSS feeds. That worked for a while but eventually it started to get a bit wonky and so I started getting my fix via Google Reader. I was in heaven. Google Reader had all of my blog subscriptions right there, in one place and I could even go back and look at older posts and search older posts. It was like blog porn to me- it kept me happy and it kept me high.

It really, truly started getting serious last winter. I was on a road trip, I was sick and tired of my Motorola RAZR2 cell phone and so I stopped in to the T-Mobile store. I swear the sales woman could see me coming from a mile away. I casually looked at the T-Mobile G1 with Google and she knew I wanted it. She really didn't have to sell it at all. I wanted it and she made it possible for me to buy it without paying the full retail price. Android made me happy. I liked its format and I still do today. I found that I could sync my calendar in MS Outlook to Google Calendar which automatically got pushed to my G1 and I could do it all in reverse, scheduling and canceling appointments and meetings and work shifts on the go from anywhere. I was drunk with productivity.

I was good for a while. I could do whatever I needed to do while on the go. I really didn't foresee needing or wanting any more services. That is, until I was introduced to Google Voice. I didn't really see myself changing my life over to a new phone number. I had been with the same cell phone number for six years and I didn't want to change and so, like Blogger, it was a novelty at first, something to toy around with. Then I learned that instead of using T-Mobile's voicemail system I could set up my phone so that it used Google Voice's system and I could record customizable voicemail greetings that would automatically change depending on who was calling. I could use Google Voice to connect phone calls between two locations- I could sit at work with no cell service and have Google Voice dial the base number then connect me to my sister in Kansas without a long distance charge showing up at work. Google Voice coupled with the functionality of Google Calendar and Google Docs with the entertainment and informative value of Google Reader, why, it was like my birthday plus Christmas plus a blowjob rolled all into one.

I draw the line at Google Health. I refuse to let my personal medical information sit on a Google server somewhere. But still, Google is taking over my life and it is all your fault Kelly Grayson. All. Your. Fault.

Monday, November 9, 2009


Okay, I'm pretty sure that before I whip out a syringe and fill it with milk and stick a needle into my scrotum I'd fucking turn to Google and find out exactly what "milking the prostate" means.

WTF is wrong with people

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Fine. We lost, you won. You used a campaign of flat out lies to take away my rights and affirm that I am a second class citizen. All I can ask now is that you at least have the decency to not kick us while we're down. But know that this is not over. I have dreams and I will see them become reality. Do not comment unless you have something nice to say. If you can't leave a kind word then please, fuck off, because right now I dislike you and you are not my friend.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Dad's Hot Rod

JayG's Friday Fun Thread theme this week is Beautiful Buicks, so naturally I've got to chime in here and post a few pics. What you see here is my dad's hot rod, a 1948 Buick Special. Oddly, I don't have any photos of the complete car.

Note the International House of MedicMatthew under construction/renovation.

And here she is, taped up with the wheel removed getting the final flame job.

When I moved home from Pittsburgh (the first time) my dad had just gotten her on the road. He had to run to the store to pick up a loaf of bread for my mom and when we left the store he drove out of town and pulled over and said "You drive it home." That was six years ago, that was also the last time I drove it. Incidentally that was the same day that pic #2 was taken. Everyone in the family jokes about taking the Buick out and my father would never say no, but there's no one in the family who is willing to take it out because we know that A.) If by some chance something happened to it we would never live it down and B.) We all know that he'd break out into a cold sweat and not breathe until it came back home

My dad has always had a project car and it has always been a GM product. He'd break it down and rebuild it back up, spending a lot of his free time in the garage. My dad has worked in a paper mill all of my life and when he wasn't working on his own car he did a lot of mechanic work on the side for other people to supplement the family income and he'd usually have my sister or I peering over his shoulder or fetching tools for him. And if we weren't already out in the garage with him it wasn't uncommon to hear him holler up to the house "Send the boy out here!"

This past week I got to spend a couple of days in the garage with my dad repairing Xterra v1.0, I have to admit it was kind of fun spending the day out in the garage getting my hands covered in grease & oil.

p.s. Anyone interested in a 2001 Nissan Xterra XE V6 with a 156,000 miles on it?

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Love it.

Pomplamoose Music's cover of Beyonce's 'Single Ladies'
Pay particular attention to the lyrics at approximately the 2 minute mark.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Man With A Gun Days 5 through 27

Nothing to report. This new pistol is very comfortable. A buddy of mine seems to think that since I'm in love with the Bersa that I should sell him my Glock. Not gonna happen. I'm okay with the Bersa in 9mm for defensive carry, but I want something that packs a bit more punch for when I'm out in the woods, though I would probably be better off keeping a 12ga loaded with 00 buckshot in the Xterra just in case I run into a pissed off bear or a pissed off mama moose out in the backcountry.

Not much else to report. I was the recipient of some linky love from both Ambulance Driver and Tam within a weeks time. Now my Sitemeter is wondering what the hell happened. Oh well, I'm sure it will get used to just being hit by my 1.34 loyal readers.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

My Name Is Matthew.

My name is Matthew. Thirty years ago I was born gay to two of the greatest parents that anyone could ask for. I was raised in a small town in Maine and have moved away twice to live in the City of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, to explore what life has to offer outside of this small town.

I am many things. I am male. I am a paramedic. I am Catholic. I am six feet four inches tall. I am gay. I have brown eyes. I am the sum of my experiences in life and I can be nothing more. I believe that all people are genuinely good, and though there may be some with bad or evil tendencies, I still believe that all people are genuinely good.

I have asked many people many times how my right to marry would affect them and their life and their marriage. I have heard many arguments against same-sex marriage, yet still no one can tell me how my right to marry would affect their marriage. As I said I am Catholic. I was raised in the Catholic Church, I was involved in youth ministry, I directed a choir, I was a Eucharistic minister, I served on my parish council. I base my belief system on the teachings of Christ, not the bureaucracy of the Catholic Church. I have argued with devout Christians who call me ignorant when I say that the Bible is a living document. These are the same people who fail to realize how many times the Bible has been changed over the course of its existence. There are dozens of versions and translations of the Bible, each with its own changes chosen by the translator or reviser, often using the Bible as a means of controlling the masses or defying the current authority. This has been documented throughout history and cannot be denied.

Several people have said to me that same-sex marriage would defile the sanctity of “traditional” marriage. I have done well to hold my tongue and not ask these same people if their divorce from their first (and sometimes second or third) spouse in any way defiles their current marriage. This nation has a marriage failure rate that has been hovering around 50% for quite some time. I’m sorry, but heterosexuals have already messed up marriage.

I have a good friend who believes that marriage is to be between a man and a woman, but he also believes that when the government got into the business of licensing marriage then religious restrictions placed on marriage became invalid. This is a perfect example of how the First Amendment of the United States Constitution works. The First Amendment is often referred to as allowing freedom of religion, while this is true it is also an absolute truth that the First Amendment more importantly allows for freedom from religion, meaning that the government cannot impose a religion upon the people. There is no government sponsored or sanctioned religion in our nation and thus when it comes to codified law the use of religion against same sex marriage is invalid. Our government is a republic, not a theocracy.

When both houses of the Maine Legislature passed LD 1020 and Governor Baldacci signed it into law there are some who decried it as a travesty, who wanted a recall of every legislator who voted in favor of it, who said that the Maine people do not want such a law. These people obviously fail to understand the structure of our government. Our legislators are charged with the task of making law while remaining true to their constituency. Deny it as they may, they do not realize that our legislators did just that. Thousands of people wrote to and called their representatives and senators to voice their opinion. Thousands of people gathered in Augusta to testify before a legislative committee. What these detractors fail to realize is that the people spoke and those in support of same-sex marriage spoke louder and in greater numbers than those who spoke against same-sex marriage.

All of this having been said, people fail to understand how LD1020 is written. The law allows for same-sex marriage but also allows for affirmation of religious freedom. LD1020 removes gender-specific pronouns from Maine’s marriage law and most importantly protects religious freedom. When LD1020 is enacted then Title 19-A Section 655 of the Maine Revised Statutes Annotated will read:

This Part does not authorize any court or other state or local governmental body, entity, agency or commission to compel, prevent or interfere in any way with any religious institution's religious doctrine, policy, teaching or solemnization of marriage within that particular religious faith's tradition as guaranteed by the Maine Constitution, Article 1, Section 3 or the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. A person authorized to join persons in marriage and who fails or refuses to join persons in marriage is not subject to any fine or other penalty for such failure or refusal.

This law protects everyone’s rights. It grants me the right to get married and it protects the rights of religious organizations from having to solemnize marriages that are not in accordance with its beliefs and teachings. I ask you, do what is right on November 3rd and join me in voting no on Question 1.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Status Update 10.19.2009

Nothing new to report.
1.) Still carrying everywhere but at work.
2.) Still trying to figure out what I want to be if and when I grow up.
3.) Still trying to figure out where I want to live.
4.) Still as indecisive as ever.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


He was 84 years old, a resident of Fairlawn Acres for going on ten years, eight years ago a new resident came to live at there and he fell in love, eventually they married at a small ceremony right there on the lawn of the nursing home, attended by family, staff and fellow residents. It was the event of the summer at Fairlawn Acres. For seven years now he had shared a large room on the residential care section of the home with the love of his life. About a week ago they told him that his beloved wife only had a few days to live due to an exacerbation of one of her chronic conditions. The dementia had rendered her pleasantly confused for the past six months and so after conferring with her children they decided to keep her comfortable and make her last few days on Earth happy ones. The day came when she passed on and understandably he became saddened, today he buried her and returned home to his empty room at Fairlawn Acres, he declined his supper, telling the staff that he just didn’t have much of an appetite today and so after the staff got him settled in he sat down in his favorite chair and tried his best to read from a book.

The staff called on him all evening, checking on him, making sure he was okay. Naturally he had been quite melancholy for most of the day so no one gave it much thought when he nodded off in his chair, the book in his lap until it came time for his evening medications, he didn’t want to take them and he even though he skipped his supper he didn’t want his usual evening snack and so they left him be making sure to check on him periodically. About an hour later when one of the CNAs came to check on him he was slow to answer her and waved her off saying he was tired and just wanted to sleep, she sat with him for a while and over the course of their conversation he became increasingly lethargic, she checked his blood sugar and took his vitals and then called his son and called 911. By the time we arrived he would only mumble and wave us away, his blood pressure had fallen, his pulse had slowed and a slow stream of tears fell from his eyes.

Though we all knew the diagnosis before running any test he got the standard workup for someone with increasing lethargy. As we all suspected everything came back negative yet his pulse remained slow and became slower with time and his blood pressure never recovered. Unfortunately there is no code in the ICD-9 for a broken heart. It seemed as though the nurses and CNAs and doctors had an unspoken agreement to take turns sitting with him and his son. A couple hours later while dropping off another patient we checked in on him to see how he was doing, he had stopped responding to anyone and his son sat there by his side, holding his father’s hand while the now frail man could be heard faintly whispering his dear wife’s name over and over, quieter and quieter until finally he sighed a sigh of relief and let out his last breath.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Seriously?!? YHGTBSM!

h/t to JayG for fucking up my morning.

I've got nothing, go read Jay's post on it.

Obama and the fucking Nobel Peace Prize......Seriously, WTF?

Monday, October 5, 2009

Man With A Gun Days 3 & 4

Not really anything to report, Day 3 consisted of dubbing around the house and going to lunch with Mom. Day 4 consisted of going in to work for a special detail so no carry there. Then I ran a few errands & whatnot whilst waiting for others to finish their special details at work. Nothing to report. (surprise!)

Friday, October 2, 2009

Man With A Gun Day 2

Nothing to report, I never left the house all day.
I did manage to pay off some of my sleep debt from this week of exhaustion.

Man With A Gun

I haven't been good when it comes to concealed carry. I have my permit, I have my pistol I just don't seem to be all that diligent about grabbing it when I head out of the house. And of course I know that concealed carry is one of those things where you can think "What could go wrong with going without it just this one time?" only to find that the consequences are quite severe if you are without your gun and the need for it arises. While I do hope that I never have to pull the trigger outside of the range, I hope even more that *if* by some horrible twist of fate I do find myself in need of using a gun that I will have it with me.

I recently acquired a new pistol. A Bersa Thunder 9 Pro UC- a hot little compact 9mm pistol that is far more comfortable to carry and far more concealable than my Glock 22. While I love the un-fuck-up-able-ness of the Glock, it just isn't comfortable. Since this new piece is comfortable and almost as easy to use, and since I suck at blogging, I have decided that I am going to embark on a little project and call it Man With A Gun in which for the month of October I will carry every day (where I am allowed to, company policy says I can't carry at work) and I will blog about it.

Since I have become addicted to Twitter recently I will try to collect my tweets on the subject and post them here as well. I will also try to tag them with #MWAG as a hashtag.

Day 1 Report: Worked 0700-1500, home by 1515. Shower, dressed, out the door headed to a Rufus Wainwright concert in Portland. Concealment garment of choice today: sport coat.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Thank You, Anonymous Commenter!

I needed a good laugh and it was delivered to me by an anonymous commenter to an old post about Fibromyalgia Awareness Day.

Anonymous said...


MedicMatthew said...

1.) You call me an asshole for my opinion yet you don't have the decency to let us know who you are.

2.) You call me an asshole when you got to my blog via a Google search for "how to fake fibromyalgia"

Oh sweet, sweet irony, how I love thee.

(Click to embiggen)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

That About Sums It Up

I haven't written anything in a while and yeah, I know I suck. In lieu of actual original content I'm going to redirect you to two sources. The first is Ambulance Driver who said it better than I could and the second is Mr. Fixit who said it better than AD said he could.

Go, read. I am not a hero, I'm just some schlub doing my job and no I'm not just being modest, I'm telling you how it is.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Read up, yo.

Ok kids, here's the dealio.

My girl Epi_Junky over at Pink Warm & Dry is having a super shitty week and a few people want to help her out. For those unaware, Ms. Epi Nephrine is one rockin EMT-B (that's EMT-Badass for the uninitiated) with ALS aspirations who needs to get herself through EMT-Paramagic school. Since she's having this cruddy week, which includes a roadblock to medic school and because we all loves us some Epi_Junky, a donation jar in the form of a PayPal button has been established over at I Just Call It As I See It.

Much thanks to TJ over at Surviving RT School for alerting me to this and for BTheEMT for putting this together. Now go click, consider it as paying off some karmic debt.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

I admit it. I snorted

So I've only recently discovered Weird Nursing Tales and so this morning after getting back from a call I was going through the archives and came across this little bit, which sounds an awful lot like something I would say.

Nurse: Dr. G, I saved a life today!

Dr. G: We save lives everyday.

Nurse: No, I mean me, personally, saved a life.

Dr. G: Which patient?

Nurse: The 18 year old who thought he was bleeding internally.

Dr. G: He has hemorrhoids.

Nurse: Yeah. I wanted to choke the life out of him, but I didn't.

Carry on.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Seriously? YHGTBSM.

Wow. I can't even make this shit up. From an email update sent out by Equality Maine today.

In a recent Portland Press Herald story, we learned that the offices of Stand for Marriage Maine are being hidden from the public. A secret memo that was sent around amongst the anti-equality staff said, "For security reasons, please do not give the physical location of the office to anyone. It's imperative that no one else know the location."

What's wrong? Are they afraid that if their location is known that they might be the subject of discrimination & ridicule? Welcome to the reality of thousands of LGBT men & women everywhere.

UPDATE: link to the article can be found here

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Road Rage and other issues

It's all Tam's fault that I'm ranting about motorists today.

Whilst living in Pittsburgh , I discovered that drivers in Southwest Pennsylvania would do the same as they're apparently doing in Broad Ripple, barreling down the street in a snowstorm and then crawling when warmer precipitation would fall from the sky, meanwhile my Xterra and I would travel along quite nicely at a safe speed, passing them both when they slid off the road and when they would finally get out my my f*cking way in the rain.

Today I had someone shoot be a dirty look when I wouldn't bring my ambulance (with patient on board) to a screeching halt so that they could cross the street in the middle of the block, not 50 feet from a crosswalk. A few years back a memo was put out informing the employees that the public address system is not to be used to address motorists whilst responding to calls. Apparently someone took offense to the deep voice coming from my ambulance saying "PULL TO YOUR RIGHT AND STOP." Often followed by "NO, YOUR OTHER RIGHT!" Fortunately they never heard the full conversation that was going on when the mic wasn't keyed up because I'm quite sure that I would have been written up if a motorist would have heard


Partner: "Matt! MATT!! Go to your happy place!"

Me: "But....but they're so stupid...."

Sunday, June 28, 2009


I had an epiphany last night, i'm not going to go into details, but my inner hippie is starting to come out again.

Don't worry, my inner hippie is still all about concealed carry.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


No matter the length of our lives, it is always short and always precious, we aren't measured by the number of days we spend on this planet but by the impact we have on it.

h/t to DaveyWavey for pointing me toward this.
(have tissues ready)

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Random thoughts from this week's shift

I'm at work today, I won't say where, be it city or country, but it is enough to say that I am at work. Over the course of the week several thoughts have popped in to my head, thankfully I have a very strong filter that does not allow these thoughts to come spewing out of my mouth.

1.) It's pull to the right and stop, cocksucker! I can tolerate the occasional failure to yield- perhaps the stereo is turned up and you can't hear the siren and the air horn, but when you're fucking window is down and you turn and give a "like, what? OMG I'm like, so clueless, like, I mean, OMG, you mean I can't, like, just pull over and continue to travel at the same speed that you are? for realz?" look then I shall do my best to bore holes through your head with my eyeballs from the passenger seat you mouthbreathing twatsicle.

2.) Attention graduate nurse, yes, I can do that, it is well within my scope of practice, no I don't need to call and talk to the doctor before starting an IV and administering midazolam to a patient in status epilepticus. Please, don't look at me like you're amazed that I, a lowly paramedic, know what status epilepticus is. Furthermore, stop getting pissed off that I, based solely on my assessment and interpretation of the 12 lead ECG, can have the cath-team called in at 2am before the ER doc even sees the patient. And no, I didn't transmit the 12 lead, we don't transmit them, if you want to see the results of our 12 lead study then go check the article in the lounge, it explains how incredibly awesome we are. There is a reason you are still on orientation, twit.

3.) If I could count the number of times I want to ask "seriously?!? WTF?" I would be out of a job because I wouldn't have time to do anything else.

4.) Where is the disconnect that makes you think it is okay for you to call 911 request an ambulance to transport your mother's poo sample to the hospital lab.

5.) Did you not read the bottle of PeptoBismol where it says that you may have black stools after taking a few doses? Also, why the fuck did you think that your mother would benefit from drinking the whole bottle all at once. That is 12 fluid ounces of pink nasty shit- did you make her drink it straight from the bottle all at once or did you give her a shot glass?

6.) Dear Police Officer, when I roll up to the accident scene that you requested we respond to and you utter the words "He just needs checked out" and I walk up to a dude who says "I'm not hurt, I don't need you" you make me want to rip your head off and shit down your throat.

6.2) Dear Police Officer, learn to use fucking auxillary verbs! The gramattically correct thing to say is "He just needs *to be* checked out." Please note that even if you do utilize these auxillary verbs I will still want to rip off your head and shit down your throat for calling me out for this bullshit. (I know this is just some Yankee pet peeve of mine, but seriously folks, it irritates the begeezus outta me).

7.) To the owner of the [name redacted] ice cream joint in town- I love you for giving a 50% discount to public safety folk, but I'm still blaming you for the fact that I'm going to get fat(ter).

Friday, June 12, 2009


So, I came home the other day and found some rhubarb in the fridge. Apparently our neighbor, an elderly lady who lives by herself has got a shit ton of this stuff growing in her yard and she brought some over, or someone went and pilfered some, I dunno. Anyhow I recall seeing a recipe posted by Cranky Prof and figured I'd give 'er a shot. It came out pretty damned good, though there was quite a bit of fluid in the bottom of the pan, I may try doubling the batch for the crumbly goodness and installing a bottom layer.

This recipe is definitely fat kid approved!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

< Rant >

Let me make it abundantly clear that I don't give a flying fuck what your title is, if you ever decide to second guess my clinical decision making you will do so in a respectful manner. Furthermore you had damn well better know the protocols before you open your fucking mouth and prove yourself an idiot.

< /rant >

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Lets Change That Headline....

It should read - Mt. Lebanon Police Announce Their Intent to Trespass Into your Vehicle.

If You Don't Lock Your Car, Mt. Lebo Police Will Do It For You

Posted: 4:34 pm EDT May 28, 2009Updated: 5:47 pm EDT May 28, 2009
MT. LEBANON, Pa. -- Mt. Lebanon police are using some unusual methods in the hopes of stopping a string of break-ins.

Those who leave their vehicles unlocked will find a card squeezed between the steering wheel and the speedometer, reminding the drivers to lock their cars.

“Very good idea. You don't need to encourage any of the crooks today. They find they're own way of doing it,” said Mt. Lebanon resident Mike McElligott.

When Mt. Lebanon police find vehicles open, they also put cell phones and other personal items in the consoles, so they're not visible, and lock the cars up.

“The best thing we can do for the citizens is remind them please lock the car doors and remove valuables,” said Ken Truver, police chief.

Police warn even if drivers lock their cars, cell phones, keys and money should not be left out and visible. Drivers are also encouraged not to leave expensive GPS units on the dashboard.

Channel 11 took a look around Mt. Lebanon to see if they found expensive items visible in cars unattended. It didn’t take long to find a vehicle with a pricey GPS unit mounted on the dashboard

Ok, I understand that they want to decrease the rate of motor vehicle burglary, but if I were to choose to leave my vehicle unlocked with my GPS on the dash shouldn't I be allowed to do so. I know they're not penalizing anyone for leaving their vehicle unlocked, but still, is it even legal?

Not a real post

So, I'm going to be super lame and just put up this post so I can see if I've fixed my MS Outlook problem.
Outlook was freezing whenever I tried to open RSS feeds from

UPDATE: MS Outlook is being kind of a dick. still.

Friday, May 22, 2009

She has such a way with words.

Its a good thing she isn't a paramedic. From Cranky Lit Prof

Little wonder. They guy smelled rank — imagine a plastic Ziploc bag full of assholes, slathered in mayonnaise and left to broil in the tropical sun for three days . I don’t know if it was an illness, something he ate or just funky body chemistry, but my GOD. When he threw back his head and laughed, it got worse. His breath was the scent of a zombie shitting a three-day-old dead carp in to an open sewer pit.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Marko on vaccinations...

From Marko the Munchkin Wrangler's Monday Search Term Safari

Vaccinations are great. They keep kids from getting diseases that can cripple or kill them. People forget that fifty years ago, kids ended up in wheelchairs because of polio, because we eradicated polio with vaccines. Kids can go deaf or die crummy deaths from measles. Don’t listen to that daft bint Jenny McCarthy–she doesn’t know shit about shit. She’s famous for her bad acting, and for being a Playmate of the Year, not for a degree in medicine or epidemiology. I’d no more consult her on the subject of vaccinations than ask my neighborhood rabbi for good pork recipes.

I admit, I snorted when I read this.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Right on the money

Trauma Queen, Kal, hits it right on the nose.

I hate you because you refuse to consider that maybe, just maybe, you could try taking some responsibility for yourself, stepping outside the bare minimum that has to be done to get along.

I hate you because you’d sooner see your kid stay at home, crying, scrubbing chubby fists at her swollen eyes than step up to the plate when she needs you.

I hate you because when I ask a final time if you’re coming with us, you smugly refuse, preferring to score sordid, childish points than have your kid see the doctor.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Today, Maine has done what is right.

After being approved in the Senate, and yesterday in the House, Maine's LD 1020 today returned to the senate and was sent on to Governor Baldacci who signed LD 1020- An Act To End Discrimination in Civil Marriage and Affirm Religious Freedom into law. Though it has been approved and signed in to law by the legislature and the government the fight is far from over. Maine law allows for a people's veto and the opposition has already announced that they will begin to solicit signatures to petition for the matter to go to popular vote in November. They have 90 days to collect approximately 60,000 signatures.

Today I want to share with you a few excerpts from the hearings & testimony held on 4/22/09. This was originally to be held at a high school auditorium, however it was determined that there simply would not be enough room to accomodate all of the people who planend to attend, and as such the venue was changed to the Augusta Civic Center. The crowd is mostly made up of supporters of LD1020 all wearing red. Equality was well represented by a 4 to 1 margin at this hearing.

Today, when I heard the news that Governor Baldacci signed LD1020 into law I wept. I sat in the kitchen at work attempting to write a run sheet and I wept tears of joy, I have spent the day listening to some of the testimony that was made on the 22nd of last month and I throughout the afternoon I have been moved to tears more than once. If you watch only one clip posted here, please, watch the first one.


Monday, May 4, 2009

Condi Rice schools a hippie

Massad Ayoob sums it up best here.
Recently, a clueless lad took advantage of a question-answer session when Ms. Rice was speaking at a college campus, and tried to trickbag her with a question about government-sanctioned torture. Watching the video on YouTube, I was struck with the kid’s pompousness…and couldn’t keep from smiling as she dissected him, handing him his butt on a verbal platter.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Edit, Update & Repost

Maine's Senate voted 21 to 14 this week in support of LD 1020 a law to allow for marriage equality in Maine by allowing same-sex couples to marry. A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post about this very subject and I want to re-post it here again with a couple of minor edits.

For my Maine readers, all 1.34 of you, I wanted to share this link –

Clicking on that link will bring you to a page that will allow you to write to your state representative in support of LD 1020 Maine’s same-sex marriage bill. There is a preformatted letter or you can edit it as you wish, but by filling in your address it will automatically route the email to the representative for your district. I am hopeful, but not optimistic that this legislation will pass, though with the recent legislation in Iowa and Vermont, and the pending legislation in New Hampshire it is entirely possible.

This isn't about special rights, it is about equality. Do not be fooled by the Maine Marriage Initiative and the Catholic Diocese of Maine; Maine's domestic partnership laws do not even come close to granting the 1,138 benefits, rights and protections of marriage. And with a heterosexual divorce rate hovering around 50% don't even try to tell me that my right to get married would somehow defile the sanctity of “traditional” marriage. Are people really just concerned that so many loving, same-sex couples in life-long committed relationships would defile the sanctity of heterosexual divorce? Also don't give me the "a child needs a mother *and* a father" speech either; if people really feel that way then do they advocate taking children away from single parents- gay parents produce far fewer gay children than heterosexual parents do. Furthermore if an argument consists of telling me that the purpose of marriage is to procreate then surely one must object to the marriage of infertile couples or couples who choose to not have children, because that, too would be an abomination unto God.

And if one is going to use the "it's in the Bible!" excuse, then they had better come up with one darn good argument for their case. The very book that most Christian fundamentalists use to argue against same sex marriage also states that one has sinned if they have touched the flesh of a cloven hooved animal, or if one has worn a cloth woven of two threads, or been even in the company of a menstruating woman. If, and this is a very big "if", they have sworn off ham & bacon, and have committed to never again wearing a poly/cotton blend shirt or be in the company of any woman during her period, then and only then may they use Leviticus in their argument. So if the Bible very clearly speaks against divorce, of which now only heterosexual couples are eligible, and if one argues that same-sex couples should not be married because it is against God's law, why do opponents purport that only gay people should be bound by Biblical law? If one is going to hide behind the Bible to defend his or her bigoted views then one should have the common decency to be integritous enough to live by its every word and not just the chapters and verses that can be handpicked to suit a cause.

“The eight Biblical references (and not a single one by Jesus) to alleged homosexuality are very small indeed when compared to the several hundred references (and many by Jesus) to money and the necessity for justly distributing wealth. Yet few people go on a rampage about the issue of a just economic system, using the Bible as a base.” -Suzanne Pharr

“The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 to heterosexuals. This doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision.” -Lynn Lavner

Please, take a part in the issues that affect you and the people you care about. Let your voice be heard, participate in democracy and remember that dissent is patriotic!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Clicky here

Ok folks, I urge everyone to follow this link, because as the media and the .gov put it ZOMG!!one!!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA GET DA PIGGY FLU!!

So please, go here and determine if you have the swine flu -

And after you determine that you do not, in fact, have the f*cking swine flu I implore you to please shut the f*ck up about it already and stop contributing to the government and media hype.


Sunday, April 26, 2009


I don't mean to go all existential here, but I'm having a bit of a crisis. I mean, I know I've got a pretty sweet job, but I have to wonder if perhaps I could be doing something different, something bigger.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

It is about equality. It is about what is right.

It isn't about special rights, it is about equality. Do not be fooled by the Maine Marriage Initiative, Maine's domestic partnership laws do not even come close to granting the rights of marriage. And with a heterosexual divorce rate hovering around 50% don't even try to tell me that my right to get married would somehow defile the sanctity of your marriage. Are you really just concerned that so many loving, same-sex couples in life-long committed relationships would defile the sanctity of heterosexual divorce? So if the Bible very clearly speaks against divorce, of which now only heterosexual couples are eligible, and you say that same-sex couples should not be married because it is against God's law, why do you purport that only gay people should be bound by Biblical law? Also don't give me the "a child needs a mother *and* a father" speech either. If you really feel that way do you advocate taking children away from single parents? Gay parents produce far fewer gay children than heterosexual parents do.

And for crying out loud if you are going to use the "it's in the Bible!" excuse, then you had better come up with one darn good argument for your case. The very book that most Christian fundamentalists use to argue against same sex marriage also states that if you have sinned if you have touched the flesh of a cloven hooved animal, or if you have worn a cloth woven of two threads, or been even in the company of a menstruating woman. If, and this is a very big "if", you have sworn off bacon, and have committed to never again wearing a poly/cotton blend shirt or be in the company of any woman during her period, then and only then may you use Leviticus in your argument.

“The eight Biblical references (and not a single one by Jesus) to alleged homosexuality are very small indeed when compared to the several hundred references (and many by Jesus) to money and the necessity for justly distributing wealth. Yet few people go on a rampage about the issue of a just economic system, using the Bible as a base.” -Suzanne Pharr

“The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 to heterosexuals. This doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision.” -Lynn Lavner

Remember folks, dissent is patriotic; if it weren't for dissent we would still be under British rule!


Unfortunately embedding has been disabled on this video, so you'll just have to follow the link and check this out. A prime example of why one shouldn't jump to conclusions about anyone. This woman is amazingly talented yet at first was passed off as someone that the crowd and judges would have to suffer though. Go. Watch. Listen.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


Just got a call from my former coworker at the Police Dept. My Maine Concealed Weapon Permit is in!

Monday, April 6, 2009


Shamelessly lifted from Marko's Monday Search Term Safari

Search Term:
why brain works faster during early morning

Marko's Response
Because you’re still rested from your night of sleep, you’ve just had your coffee, and the great pile of suck that is your daily routine has not yet had a chance to wrap itself around your brain like a smelly, piss-soaked tapestry of existential agony.
Or it could have something to do with synapses and neurons and shit.

Now, re-read and in your head apply Marko's awesome accent

Saturday, April 4, 2009


From The Boston Globe's Big Picture photo essay of the protests & riots outside of the G20 summit.

Original Caption - A protester sits injured after a confrontation with the police near to the Bank of England as activists demonstrated in the City of London on April 1, 2009 in London, England. (Oli Scarff/Getty Images)

Matt's Caption - A protester sits crying like a little bitch after a confrontation with the "The Man"....

Original Caption - A protester is bitten by a police dog on April 1, 2009 in London, England. (Oli Scarff/Getty Images)

Matt's Caption - Good puppy! Bite the hippie! Good boy! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

That is all.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Pretty much sums things up.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


So, if you ran a photography business, how would you direct traffic to your website and build your client base?


Bad News

One of the two paper mills in the town that I live in is closing. They shut down a couple of paper machines late last year resulting in 150 layoffs, they're now permanently closing down the entire mill.

The economy sucks and the papermaking industry has been taking a hit for years. The mill that my father works at makes coated paper products for magazines and catalogs, for some ignorant reason the management of the mill thought it was a great idea to run above production quotas for a significant portion of last year, so the mill had product sitting in the warehouse that the customers would eventually need instead of running at quota and making paper as the customer needs it. They've temporarily cut back on hours for production while keeping the power plants running continuously so they're now only making paper when electricity is cheap so they pay less for electricty and during peak hours they're selling electricity to the grid.

Thankfully this mill has some very well establish printers that produce MAJOR publications so the liklihood of the second mill shutting down is slim, but still, this town was built around the papermills, for many people it is all they have known. I'm sure there are many people in town now wondering what they're going to do next. It is just a horrible helpless feeling

Monday, March 30, 2009

Why I Came Home

I came across this video in Facebook the other day, posted by a coworker and I got to thinking about the first time I saw it. This is the video put together by another coworker for EMS Week last year. She let me preview it while I was home on vacation because I wouldn't be here during EMS Week. It was when I saw this video that I decided to move back to Maine. I know I'm obliterating any sense of anonymity by posting this video because you now know where I work, but then again, anyone in the EMS community can figure out The Borg that AD works for if they put their mind to it. This is the service where I cut my teeth both as a brand new EMT-Basic and again later as a paramedic. I know some of the photos aren't too great, but these are my people. This is my family.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Concealed Carry Options

I know that asking others about holster preference is like asking what one thinks is the "best" caliber for defensive carry but I'm going to ask anyway. So, I want to know, of my 2.38 readers, those of you who carry a concealed handgun:

What do you routinely use for a concealed carry holster and why?

Specifically does anyone have any experience with the Belly Band? I'm a big guy and I carry a rather large frame semi-auto and I'm wondering if a Belly Band might work for me, particularly with the coming of warmer weather.

Your thoughts?
Anyone?....Anyone?.... Bueller?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Thoughts from the weekend

A collection of some of the thoughts that ran through my head during Sunday night's dinner and Saturday's shooty goodness.

1.) Hmm, big black Dodge pickup with a Harley logo and NRA sticker in the rear window- must be Jay's truck.

2.) Wow, I pictured Jay as being taller with this deep voice and being really laid back and mellow, not bouncing off the walls sounding like Gonzo on crystal meth**.

3.) Oh, Mah, Gawd, I just shook hands with *the* AD. OMGOMGOMG he knows who I am!!!1!!one!!!

4.) Wait, are we in Massachusetts? Are those guns on the wall??

5.) Oh yeah, Marko is German, of course he has an accent.

6.) I could get a better steak back home and pay a lot less for it.

7.) OMG, I just ate dinner with someone who once LIVED WITH TAM!!!

8.) Guns, cars, movies, knives, guns, what is not to love? Wait, am I *really* gay?

9.) The next time I'm in Boston I'm either going to double down on my blood pressure meds or have someone else drive and sedate myself.

10.) F*%k! the gate is closed, time to start walking and follow the sound of gun fire.

11.) Ahh, love the smell of burnt powder in the morning.

12.) F*&k it's cold! Trigger finger will stay warm if I keep my hands in my pockets.

13.) It's been FAR too long since I've been to the range, must spend more quality time shooting.

All in all, it was a great weekend, despite the fact that I got nailed with $64 bucks in parking fees for two nights.

Can't wait for the next NE blogger gathering and I just might have to go listen to AD speak sometime should he be at a conference near me.

**That was in no way a dig, when Jay was rather excitedly telling one of the stories after dinner I could have sworn we were on the set of the Muppets.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Total Fanboy Geek-out in 3....2.....1.....

So, tonight is the big NorthEast Blogger Dinner with a selection of bloggers from New England with special guest from the south- Ambulance Driver

I'll be the one at the Hilltop in total fanboy geek-out mode.

Can't wait!!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Our Mission

Back when I was a kid in high school and for a little while following high school I was the epitome of the Good Little Catholic Boy(tm) I then went to work in public safety where I have remained in one form or another for the past twelve years. My career choice has at times made me cynical and bitter and I have been burned out before but as I get older I have come to realize more and more that bitterness and cynicism are really over rated and they do not allow us to see things clearly and they do not allow us to complete our mission. I have chosen the path of paramedic, that is how I serve my fellow man and in turn how I serve God. When I returned to Maine in September I went back to work in the same place that I was before and I went back with the hope that my time away had taught me what is truly important and I do believe that I have started to learn and continue to learn what is important and thus far I have managed to keep that bitterness and cynicism at bay. Thankfully I have found my reinforcements.

The first is in the form of another blog. I forget exactly how I managed to find his youtube channel and subsequently his blog but the blogger known as Davey Wavey over at Break The Illusion has reminded me of what is important in life and that is love. Love of one's self and love for all of humankind. Below is one if his short little videos. For some reason he doesn't like wearing shirts.

The second reinforcement is through music. A certain song from a certain album by a certain artist spoke to me and brought me out of a very dark place once and since then I have felt a strong attachment to her music. I have often felt that if Melissa Etheridge wasn't hugely famous and if she wasn't a lesbian and if I weren't gay then I would absolutely want to marry her. I have come to realize that it is because she is a lesbian that she writes the way that she does and it is because I am gay that I interpret her lyrics the way I do and it is because she is famous that I know her music, so in retrospect I am glad that she is who she is and I am glad that I am who I am so that I can feel her music the way that I do. I purchased her latest album some time ago but it wasn't until recently that I began to really listen to it and listen to the lyrics that I found myself returning to her music once again and it is with that in mind that I share the video below with you.

Be well.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Things I Hate

If you call the hospital looking for permission to call 911 then for fucks sake do not lie to me and fake your lame ass symptoms. This only makes me hate you more.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Another first.

Now, we've all had to ask unpleasant questions and we've had to ask to see unpleasant things in order to formulate a field impression of what is going on with a patient. When my EMT-B instructor told me that I would most likely one day ask to see the poo in someone's toilet or assess the odor of a patient's breath I scoffed. I have been a paramedic for several years and it turns out she was right- I have done both of these things.

Tonight, however, was another first for me. For tonight was the night that for the first time in my EMS career I have been presented with a sealable container of a patients vomit that they had saved from several hours ago just in case we wanted to see it and evaluate it. While I was writing down the patient's med list I picked up one bottle that initially appeared to just be of a different color to learn that no, this prescription bottle contained no pills, for it was the proud home of vomit, not even warm, fresh from the stomach vomit, no this container was cold to the touch as it had been there for several hours.

It made me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit, but I managed to suppress it. There were no empty prescription bottles for me to use.

Monday, March 9, 2009

T-Mobile G1 with Google

I must say I really am surprised by this new phone. I always used to make fun of people who used a Blackberry or other smart phones but since I've had this for a little while now I really do love it. I'm spending less time in front of a computer and more time being a productive human being- I've been reading my email on the fly and replying to anything that is urgent. I've been productive *and* social!

Blogged from my G1.

Sunday, March 1, 2009


As I was driving up I-84 just as the welcome to Massachusetts sign comes in to view on the radio I hear "Now is the time to protect your second amendment rights, get your pistol permit today call..." Not surprisingly it was a Connecticut radio station.

Monday, February 23, 2009

No power. Cant blog. Two and a half feet of snow on the ground. Stuck at work. Yay.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Friday, February 13, 2009

Dear Economy,

Please go f*ck yourself.


Thursday, February 12, 2009


I drive a 2001 Nissan Xterra that I bought new. My baby has 156,000+ miles on her. Aside from oil changes, brakes & tires I've never had to do anything to her until last year when she needed new ball joints.

Yesterday I went out to run some errands and when I turned the key the starter kicked in, the engine turned over and sputtered and died. I turned the key again and the starter just whined. I had her towed to my mechanic who happens to be an old friend of my dad- someone who I trust to work on my vehicle. I called him this afternoon to see if I could pick her up and found out that in addition to the starter it has some other problems. It may need a complete head job or I may need to replace the whole damned engine.

Long story short, it looks like I won't be getting 200,000 miles out of her like I wanted to.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Monday, February 9, 2009

Stress relief and hurling lead downrange

I went shooting last weekend for the first time in several months and after going I felt good. I felt damn good. I was relaxed, I was focused and I wasn't concerned with all the crap that had been crowding my mind for the last few weeks and it wasn't until today that I figured out why.

Massad Ayoob explains it in his blog:

Which leads us to my personal theory of why people like us find shooting so relaxing. Those who haven’t done it figure we’re burning off steam by imagining a hated boss’s face on the target as we fire. No, not at all. Because we have to focus so intently on safety with the deadly weapons we’re handling, it forces out extraneous thoughts. Mortgage situations, the economy, inimical political parties in office, all gray out into the far background when you focus on safely, accurately, and swiftly discharging firearms. It’s purging, really. I expect those who practice extreme sports such as rock-climbing are getting the same effect.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Website Traffic

So, as you may or may not know I run a photography business. I launched a new website a while ago and I'm having a hard time finding a way to drive traffic to the site and market my services. Any suggestions?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Dear patient,

You're faking and there is nothing I hate more than a patient trying to fake a seizure or unconsciousness. You're flopping around on the floor, flailing your arms and legs while your abdominal muscles are as flaccid as can be and after my partner gave you a sternal rub in the middle of your "seizure" you yelled at him "Knock it the fuck off man! Can't you see I'm having a fuckin' seizure?" You *spelled* your medications for me during your "seizure"

You're a giant faking faker who fakes and I can. not. stand. it.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Simple Mathematics

Last night some friends and I went to my favorite restaurant, Fuji, to celebrate my birthday. Now, I'm usually there once a week, the staff knows us, the staff seats us ahead of other people with reservations** because 1.) we fuckin' rock and 2.) we tip well. When we're there for sushi we always ask for the same waitress and we only go on nights that she is working. We usually leave a 100% tip because we usually aren't charged for half of the stuff that is brought to the table and the service is absolutely top notch, since the food is so incredibly fresh and delicious then it is well worth the money spent.

Last night they were running behind in the hibachi section so we waited at the bar and had a couple of drinks. The bartender rocks. She asked if we would be willing to try an experimental drink that she is working on and said "um, you guys eat sushi all the time, you shouldn't be afraid of this" when she served it to us. She served it to us with a raw quail egg dish that was divine.

When we were seated for dinner there was a table next to us that was giving their server a hard time about the bill. The restaurant policy is that if you make reservations for a large group at a hibachi table then you need to tell them ahead of time if you want the check divided up a certain way. There was one woman at the table that we shall call Bitch and one whom we shall call SuperBitch. Bitch was glaring at our table and making snide remarks about the way we were being treated while SuperBitch asked for the manager and barked at her saying "Well if you want to get paid then you're going to split up this check the way I asked for it and you're going to take off the fucking gratuity" The manager, who also happened to be our server, walked off whilst rolling her eyes and the guy sitting next to SuperBitch told her she needed to calm the fuck down or he was never going out in public again with her. The whole ordeal made me think of RagingServer and the trash that he has to deal with, because as the manager walked off Bitch turned to SuperBitch and said "Bet they'd think twice about treating people like this if we walked out on the bill."

Anyhow, dinner was delightful, the company was delightful and a good time was had by everyone there, including the manager who came and sat with us when we commented on what a bunch of losers the people at the other table were.

Now, I am not a heavy drinker, and if I am having more than two drinks then I tend to alternate alcoholic beverages with either water or cranberry juice so as to remain hydrated, however last night I failed to do this.
Last night we learned the following:

MedicMatthew + whiskey + (gin+sake+some top shelf citrus liquer+quail egg white) + never ending glass of plum sake* - hydration = crunk

crunk + minimal sleep = hangover

hangover + 70 minute drive home x no sunglasses = horrible

Therefore we can rule that MedicMatthew + lastnight = serious napping today

Apparently I must remember to hydrate next time because I never get hangovers. EVAR1!

*plum sake = alcoholic Kool-Aid

**Funny side note: I showed up one Friday night with a friend at about 7pm and told the host there were two of us and she said there would be about a 20 minute wait which we were expecting anyhow. Our usual waitress immediately spotted us and took us back to a table in her section and when another party of two that were there ahead of us protested she simply turned to them and said "Sorry, VIP."

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

It is done.

Let the Hopenchange begin.

Friday, January 16, 2009


At 0530 this morning we were called out and I just happened to look at the thermometer outside the base. -23 degrees Fahrenheit. Negative twenty three degrees. NEGATIVE twenty three motherfucking degrees.

I came off a 24 hour shift this morning only to pack up my gear and head to another base for another 10 hour shift but before I could go to the other base we had to get the Xterra started. I do not do a happy dance when I turn the key and hear rohr rohr rohr rohr click click click click click click. In fact I may have been seen beating my fists against the steering wheel while yelling fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFUCkFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK. *sigh* We managed to get the Xterra started and I drove it the 20 miles to the other base and left it running for a few hours.

Wonder if she'll start when it comes time to go home.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I guess I don't assimilate well.

Hey, it looks like VooDoo Medicine Man and I have something in common! Who would have thought.

I'm an embarrassment to Barack!

I only scored 17 on the Obama Test