Saturday, December 29, 2007

Reciprocal Linky Lovin

So I've had Jay G's writings from over at Stuck In Massachusetts on my blogroll for some time, yesterday he put up a post with a link announcing the addition of New Life Changes to his blogroll and brotha has jacked my sitemeter up!

I've recently added a couple of blogs to my list 'o daily reads as well. They are:

The Angy Pharmacist, cuz seriously, I love angry, snarky people.

Trauma Queen- its fun to read about my colleagues across the pond.

And, Cranky Prof, cuz she's a riot and I like her disclaimer "Parental Advisory, I say fuck a lot"

So, go forth and read them my children, they're pretty cool

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Oh how I love to fly.

I'm sorry that blogging has been light lately. I managed to get a few days off from my new job to fly home for Christmas to be with my family.

I love I always find cheap flights and travel packages there and once again they pulled through and got me home for the holidays at a reasonable price. My plane was supposed to depart from Pittsburgh at 0945 on Monday the 24th, assuming that holiday travel would mean more time at the airport I left early and arrived at the airport at about 7am. I forget that the Pittsburgh airport is so smooth to get through. I arrived at my gate with plenty of time to spare at 0730.

I nodded off for a bit because i was tired and not feeling to well. My fellow travelers arrive at the gate and take a seat, well at 0930 we still have not been called to board the plane. At 0945 just about every passenger stood up and walked to the desk to ask what was going on and we were then informed, individually, that the flight would be delayed. Frankly we were all quite miffed that the airline failed to inform us sooner that the flight had been delayed. Thankfully we were up and in the air by 1030 and on the way to Cleveland where I would catch my connection to Portland, Maine. Unfortunately because of the delay I landed in Cleveland just as they were announcing the final boarding call for my flight to Portland and I reached the gate just as the play was taxiing away from the gate.

I was less than thrilled. So after making my way to the customer service counter I learned that the next flight from Cleveland to Portland Maine would be leaving the next day at noon. This was simply *not* acceptable. I wound up catching a flight instead to Manchester, New Hampshire that required me to sit in the airport in Cleveland for three hours. Thankfully my wonderful cousin Nick was able to come pick me up in Manchester instead of Portland and I was able to make it to my grandfather's house in time to have dinner and see the whole family by 2000 hours.

I never told my parents that I was traveling home for Christmas. So, when Nick and I arrived at my grandfather's house he got out of the car and went inside and I waited in the car for a minute and put my stuff away in my suitcase and I made my way to the house. Once I got into the basement garage I called the house and asked for my Mom. We chit-chatted for a few minutes and then I started walking up the stairs. I saw her walking away from where I was and as we were chatting I said to her "Hey Mom, turn around" she turned and saw me standing there and started crying and gave me a hug. My holiday just went uphill from there.

I've only been gone for a few weeks but it was great seeing everyone. My 18 month old nephew, more commonly known as The Cutest Baby EVER has grown up so much in the past few weeks, he's walking smoother he's talking up a storm- he's still babbling in baby talk a bit but if you pay attention he actually makes sense some time. He mimics everything we do. While my dad was remodeling the bathroom a couple months ago he would sit outside the bathroom and watch Grampa work and he thought that the power drill (with the drill bit removed of course) was just the coolest thing ever so my folks bought him a toy power drill just like the one Grampa uses and my sister reports that since he opened it he hasn't put it down and when he doesn't have his finger on the button to make it make noise he's making the drill noise himself.

I could fill an entire blog with entries about my nephew and some day in the near future I will post the story of his birth along with some photos providing my sister gives the okay for it.

Anyhow, this is the end of day three of my four day visit and it is just too short. I head back to the big city tomorrow evening- I land in Pittsburgh at midnight and I have to be at work at 0600. I think I'm just going to drive straight to work and crash on the couch.

Monday, December 24, 2007

That time of year...

December twenty fourth, nine p.m. eastern standard time. From here on in I shoot without a script.......

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Updated & Rearranged blog

Recent posts that were put up and previously authored have been edited so that their entry dates reflect the date they were authored.

I've been addicted to my SiteMeter- it is quite a nifty tool. It turns out that I have a few regular readers and I'd like to ask them to come forward and say hello. SiteMeter doesn't tell me *exactly* where they are but it gives me the home of their ISP so, I would like my readers in the following locales to drop me an email and just tell me a little about themselves or how they found my blog. So if you live in or near the following cities, please say hi.

Shawnee, Kansas
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Murraysville, Pennsylvania
Leesburg, Virginia
Any and & all places in Maine

email me at medicmatthew (at) gmail (dot) com


Saturday, December 15, 2007

EMS Geekery

This was just sent to me by my best friend back in Maine. Ryan's a FireFighter/Paramedic so naturally he thinks the second video is great.

And this one isn't EMS related but its just bad as nails

Friday, December 14, 2007


My apologies for not updating this over the last couple of weeks. Thanks to the speed at which Verizon works it has taken a while for me to get Internet access at my new apartment. Thank goodness my DSL modem arrived and I'm back online- I was on the verge of withdrawl, it was getting pretty rough.

Anyhow, I'm back online and regular posting should resume. I've got a few posts already written and they'll be put up soon, I just don't want to drop them all on here at once.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Blood Pressure

For the last few days I've been feeling a bit crappy. Everyone here smokes, in the garage no less, and thats where everyone congregates when we're not on calls or taking care of things around the base. I would walk up to my second floor apartment and feel winded, or I would be doing something physical and get tired and so I blamed it on the second hand smoke at work. But the other day I stood up from a squatted position after working on something and I felt lightheaded and faint so Just for kicks I got in the ambulance and grabbed the BP cuff on the LifePak and checked my pressure. I didn't believe it so I had one of my coworkers check it and he got the same results, then I checked it again a few times over the course of the day. I have been on blood pressure medications for nine years, after not feeling right one day I had a friend check it and my BP was 222/110, since then I've been on medication to control it without a whole lot of success.

I have moved back to the city I love, I have a great apartment and a new job with absolutely no stress whatsoever. My blood pressure is 112/53. I am sleeping better. I wake up with my alarm feeling refreshed. I'm happy, it's some crazy shit. I could get used to this.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

It is midnight

I am in the city- she is alive and I am home!

Monday, December 3, 2007

First Day of Work

Today was my first day at my new job and of course as with any new job I was a bit apprehensive when I went in. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. I walked in to meet one of the guys going on shift with me sitting in the garage reading the news paper, we sat and bullshitted for a bit then the other medic on my unit came in and we bullshitted some more. My day was a routine of paperwork, boring training videos and more paperwork broken up by hanging out in the base joking around and ribbing on each other. It seems like there's a really good group of people that work there and they all joke around with each other and they all watch out for each other. I think this is going to be a really good place to work. We only went out on one call and the approach they take is different from mine, but I'm sure I'll settle in to a routine. I'm back tomorrow at 0600 for another 12 hours!

Friday, November 30, 2007


After a very long night and day of driving I've finally landed in Pittsburgh, its Friday night and it is too late to unpack my things so Kalem and I are in a hotel for the night. We stopped just before the New Jersey / Pennsylvania border at a *lovely* little motel and slept for a few hours because we were both completely exhausted. So after four hours of sleep and lunch at Panera we were back on the road and by the time we got to Somerset we realized that it was going to be too late to move in to my new place, so after poaching wireless internet from a hotel in Somerset I booked a room at a decent hotel in GreenTree on On the way to the hotel I picked up my friend Justin and he stayed with us. It was really great to see himand it was interesting to see how he and Kalem interacted. I wasn't worried about it, I was just curious as to how it would all pan out.

Ryan G is still upset about not being able to help me move and it seems I can't get it in to his head that it isn't a big deal. He hurt is back and isn't able to sit in the car for hours on end, but he and his partner will be coming out to see me in early February so that will be good. There's also a chance that Ryan E. and Kalem will be out in early January to go to a Rufus Wainwright concert with me here in the city. Still no word yet on whether or not I'll be home for Christmas but i'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Here I go!

The trailer is packed, the Xterra is loaded, now its time to say goodbye to my parents and cry my way to Portland to meet Kalem. Please, leave love, remind me that I'm doing the right thing.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Good Riddance

Okay, I know its kind of corny to post song lyrics here but I'm doing it anyway
My good friend Ryan E would turn up the radio and make me sing with him whenever this song came on in the car. I said bye to him tonight after our last sushi dinner before I move and like a dumbass when I got a little teary eyed I pulled up this song on the iPod and sat in my car and cried. I have been blessed with a handful of *very* good friends and I can only hope that they know how much they mean to me

Ryan E for being foolish with me and reminding me to not take myself too seriously and for being the most accepting person I have ever met.

Ryan G for always being so supportive, for keeping me sane when I've been going crazy and for feeling bad because he can't help me move because of a back injury (its okay Ryan, it really is).

Kalem for helping me to realize that no matter how rough life can be at any given moment that it can only get better and for showing me the light during a very difficult time in my life and for helping me out at the last minute to take an 800 mile road trip to help me move.

Marian for everything. For late night trips to LL Bean, for midnight runs to Denny's, for wandering car trips singing Rent and talking about how fucked up things can be some time.

Anyhow, back to the song lyrics, after I finished writing them out here I decided that it would be much more therapeutic to just go get my acoustic and sit in the garage and let myself cry.

Green Day - Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Monday, November 26, 2007


Leave it to a move to remind you of how much stuff you own. Over the last few years I've only tapped in to a handful of my resources- primarily clothes since I've been living with my folks. I've managed to forget how much computer gear & kitchen stuff & home decor I own. I find it to be a little daunting when I realize its going to take more time to pack up all of my stuff, but I also find it to be a relief because it means there's less stuff that I have to buy. Either way, its a colossal pain in the ass. I hate moving.

On a positive note I've solved my relocation assistance dilemma. My good friend Ryan was originally supposed to help me move, but because my move in date has changed and because he is now having back problems (go figure, a paramedic with a bad back!) he is unable to help out so now my good friend Kalem is going to help me move. Kalem and I haven't had much opportunity to hang out lately so its good that we'll get to take this road trip together. It will be a long drive and it'll be a bit of work unloading the trailer and unpacking my stuff but I will have good company and that makes it all the better.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Giving Thanks

I have to work today, on a holiday, but I don’t mind. Just like everyone else in this world I often forget that I have so very much to be thankful for. I have my health, my family, my friends. I have shelter over my head and food in my belly. I am immersed in love.

Today is my last day at my job. At 7am I leave this place for the final time and I have a week off before I move700+ miles away from my family and friends. I have a new job, in a new city, albeit one that I have lived in before, I have a new adventure waiting for me. Life is good for me. I may be apprehensive, I may wonder if this move is right for me but I know that once I’m settled everything will fall in to place. At the same time I am thankful I am also a bit worried, my brother-in-law will be returning to Iraq soon. I am thankful that he is who he is and I am sure that God will allow him to return home to his family, but still, I can’t help but be worried, but I am optimistic and my hope is that his recent promotion will mean more time in safety and less time earning more bronze stars.

I typically don’t have any problems expressing myself, but today the words won’t come to me. I am thankful for all that I have- for family, for friends for health, for safety, for love, for opportunity. The world is before me and it is mine for the taking.

My hope for this holiday is that you have many things to be thankful for. My fellow bloggers have already expressed their thanks- EmergencyEmm, WhiteCoat, Matt G, ShadowFax, Scalpel, my hope is that you have a means of expressing yours.

Be well & be safe,


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

My bad-ass brother-in-law

This article ran in the Denver Post the other day as a profile of my brother-in-law, 1st Sergeant Rick Tufts. Recently when a friend asked "Does it make you feel good when someone tells you 'Thank you' or does it matter?"
Rick looked him in the eye and said "It's my job, its just a job. I do this so my son won't have to. You don't have to thank me."

1st Sgt. Tufts is a local boy turned decorated soldier who is soon to return to Iraq for the third time. It isn't something that he wants to do, but like he says its part of his job. Despite it being part of the job I know it kills him to be away from his family- Rick is the type of man who would do anything for his wife & son. Over the years my sister has adapted from the role of soldier's wife and now to the role of 1st Sergeant's wife and she and the rest of her & Rick's extended family couldn't be prouder of his accomplishments.

Monday, November 12, 2007


Items remaining on the Pre-Move To Do List:

Sort & pack kitchen
Sort & pack computer gear
Sort & pack clothes
Sort & pack books
Sort & pack bedroom
Take the Xterra to get checked for a road trip
Mail the f*cking lease agreement
Obtain Medic Command Authorization
Visit with my sister, brother-in-law & nephew when they come to visit
Party like its 1999

*sigh* I just want to be there NOW.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Linky Lovin & Shameless Self Promotion

Well, I ranked lower than Ambulance Driver but I'm really not surprised.
While I'm at it, a quick note about AD, it was his blog that got me to reading several other blogs which finally resulted in me creating this blog. Sadly, I can't remember how I got pointed to AD's blog. Anyhow, go give him a read and if you like what you see buy his book so he can buy that double wide he's had his eye on for some time.

EMS Gear

Peter over at Street Watch: Notes of a Paramedic wrote a post which prompted me to write a little post about the gear we carry. Now, there are some out there who carry everything, *including* the kitchen sink into every patient's home on every single call, all the time, no matter what. Then there are others who walk into a patient's home with nothing but a smile on their face.

I'm of the train of thought that not every patient needs *all* of your resources every single time and that 98% of the time you're safe with carrying in the bare essentials. How many times do you carry gear into a patient's house only to carry it out unused? I know some of you out there are crying foul - "But Matt, what if you're dispatched to an old lady not feeling well only to find out that its that one call where grandma fell down the stairs because she was in a diabetic crisis and now she's got an open femur fracture and you can't do a spinal rule out and while your partner is getting gear she goes into cardiac arrest?" Well, after I stop laughing I'll manage the patient with the contents of ParaMedical Matt's Quick Pack (tm).

My Quick Pack is made up of the items that can get you through the first five minutes of patient contact while other resources are on the way from your ambulance parked outside.
Contents are held in a spiffy LL Bean belt pack that I usually end up slinging over my shoulder.
  • Gloves
  • OPA's
  • NPA's
  • Bleeding Control
  • BP Cuff
  • Stethoscope
  • IV Roll (20g, 18g, saline flush, extension set wrapped in a 4x4 & veniguard & secured with a tourniquet)
  • Refusal forms
  • Vicks Vap-o-Rub (for self medication when encountering things that smell bad)
If I suspect that we're walking in to a chest pain or respiratory call then I'll bring in O2. Our primary job is to get patients to the hospital and initiate care, anything that we accomplish while going down the road is just an added bonus, and yes I will say that IV access, 12 leads, & medication administration all do fall under the category of "added bonus." I too was once an eager probie ready to single handedly save the world from itself and I carried with me every sparky new tool that I could fit on my belt and I carried everything into the house with me, but I have since learned that all I really need to carry on my person are a watch and these Healing Hands(tm) and a pen- I am useless without a pen, even if I'm not writing anything down, I have to know that I have a pen immediately available to me.

So, I'm curious as to everyone's thoughts on this matter. Anyone? Bueller?

Such a slacker

I'm trying, I'm really trying to post here more often. Things have been crazy lately. There is absolutely nothing in this world I hate more than packing and moving. But it is a necessary evil at this point if I'm ever going to make it to Pittsburgh on time.

On a positive note, I've just realized that Ribeye over at RagingServer has linked to me! He writes some really great stuff about being a server and dealing with all the bullshit that the consumer flings at him. Personally I would have told a lot of these customers to F*ck off and of course I would be fired. I'd love to go eat in the restaurant he works at some time or just shadow him at work. Anyhow, give him a read and tip your servers!

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Gratuitous Linky Lovin'

I was getting my daily dose of blogs today and found that ERnursey has a great post titled Politics Explained over on her blog. She is among those that I read daily and she's definitely worth a read.

~Paramedical Matt

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Remembering a Colleague

This slideshow was put together by one of my colleagues here in Maine. This summer the Maine EMS community was rocked by the line of duty death of Lieutenant/Paramedic Allan Parsons.
Allan was tending to a trauma patient on an interfacility transfer when the ambulance he was in was struck by a drunk driver. Allan was killed, his partner Arlene Greenleaf suffered several major fractures and has spent considerable time both at regional trauma center and in rehabilitative care. I believe that the patient that was being transferred also sustained additional injuries as well. Even now when an ambulance passes by the crash site you can hear a quick yelp from their siren as they pass. Our little way of saying that we will remember always. If anything was learned from this tragedy it is that the Maine EMS community can rally together and support one another in a time of crisis.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Thoughts from a year ago

Note, this was written in November of 2006 while making a road trip to Pittsburgh, PA to attend a three week long class with a good friend. This was the first time I returned to Pennsylvania after moving back home to Maine in the summer of 2003.

Friday, November 3, 2007 - Somewhere in Pennsylvania
In preparation for this trip I've spent the past few days running around getting things done so that all would be in order to leave on time at 0800 Friday morning from Ryan's house. As usual, that didn't happen, I was running a wee bit late, however, he had some errands to run in the morning so it was a combined effort that put us on the road by 10am. Eh, so we were a little late. But back to my preparation; as I've run around to get things ready for this trip it's been an odd feeling that I've had. It hasn't felt so much like I was preparing for a trip and to get ready for this class, but rather its felt like I've been getting ready to go home after a long time away. Lately I've been thinking a lot about moving back to Pittsburgh and so this trip serves a dual purpose, one being to take the CCEMTP course, the other to help me decide if I want to move back there. It's been about three and a half years since I moved out of Pittsburgh to return to Maine, and for three and a half years I've been saying that I want to move back. This is going to be the first visit since I moved out of Pittsburgh and I can't wait to get there.

The plan was to make this trip in two days, but even though we got a late start we're making great time so as of right now it looks like we're going to drive all the way through and we'll be in the city tonight. I'm thrilled. The closer we get the more it feels like I'm going home, back to the city where I could be myself. Living in Pittsburgh was the first time I lived on my own, free from the confines of the small town that I grew up in, free to have my own place, free to be myself, free to be out, completely out, and not give a damn about what anyone thinks. It really was a time of freedom for me, I learned a lot about myself there and perhaps that's the reason why I want to move back, to discover more about myself, to find that freedom once again that I found there in a city where everyone was a stranger. I realize it won't be the same this time around if I move back there because I already have a few friends there. So in a way it will be a bit easier. Its time for me to get out of Maine again. After talking with my dear friend Kalem about this I know its time. I have to move. He moved back to the Mid-Atlantic region a few months ago after spending a few years back in Maine and after being in Maine for a while he realized that even though his family is there, there is a lot that is lacking. It's Maine, it's rural and the dating pool is pretty shallow whether you're straight or gay, but being gay in a rural setting makes it harder. Another thing that Kalem and I talked about at length was the fact that there is little to no room for career advancement. It is time for me to move, I know this, I was able to move before and be away from my family, but what I fear leaving now are bonds that are as strong as family. I fear leaving my close friends. Though we don't share blood they are family. There's a quote from David Bergman that I absolutely love - "Gay friendships often create an alternative to family, a link more compelling than blood." This is, without a doubt the truest thing one can say about my friendships. So I guess the question is; can I move away and leave my friends behind?

Saturday, October 27, 2007

A loud American

She screamed at me. She screamed at everyone. "I am a loud American! And he, he, he is the one who has done the things that she does not like, she being her, her being the one whom he who is him has harmed. I, I, I am not at fault. How am I going to do my homework? Is my homework not due in the morning of this night of which I am trapped in this nightMARE being caused by you, you you, are the authority figures, you four men and one woman who are here to silence me, a loud American!"

The nurse on duty tonight has been working in this ER for decades, her soft voice and compassionate approach are lost on this patient "Here, this will help you relax and sleep for the ride." says the nurse as she slips the needle into the woman's flesh in the hopes that the sedative will make the 40 minute trip to the psych facility easier for everyone.

"Ow! How could you do that to me your fellow woman?" she screams as she begins to sob "We are women, we are women and they are men. They are 'the man' the authority but now you are one of them, you are no longer woman you are a man now because you are just like them you are. You have a penis now" she says very matter of factly before she begins to cry; her thoughts and statements nothing more than a series of babbling run-on sentences.

She remains indignant, the medication not touching her and so we wait. We watch the camera monitors as she sits on the edge of the bed talking to people who we cannot see. Is there someone there with her? Who does she talk to? She has been here in the ER for a couple of hours now and after being evaluated by the ER doc, the crisis clinician and finally the psychologist she has been "blue papered." A judge has decided that it is in the best interest of her safety and society for her to be involuntarily committed. I had been sitting in the ER for most of this time and when she was deemed ready for transport I went back over to the base next door to the hospital and picked up my partner. Rather than my regular partner I picked up the probie. My regular partner had just returned from maternity leave and was looking forward to what could potentially be the longest nap she has had since the baby was born. I offerred the trip to the probie and he readily accepted. He accepted before this fiasco in the ER and so now that she has been medicated it is my job to tend to her for this transport. She does not go quietly. The fact is she goes violently; kicking, screaming, digging me with her fingernails. She is having an acute psychotic episode and she honestly has no idea of what she is doing. I have never met her before but I know that this is not the person who she is on a daily basis. She is a college student, brought in by the college police after becoming disruptive and out of control during a meeting on campus.

We give her another dose of Haldol and some Ativan and it still does nothing to her and so it is decided taht we will transport her in restraints. She struggles, she cries but she eventually submits. She is restrained and she is pissed off. The transport is uneventful, she stares at me every now and then and attempts to bore holes through my head with here eyes. I know that this is not her, I do not let it bother me. We arrive at our destination and wheel her inside. We arrive at her floor and begin to remove her restraints, she stands, she paces, she sits on the edge of the bed she tries to walk to the door which is blocked by the police officer who accompanied us and the staff at the hospital. We explain that she cannot go back to school right now that she must stay here, she asks to use the bathroom and so the staff let her in to a bathroom adjacent to the small locked room which she will occupy for the night. She sobs uncontrollably in the bathroom as we leave the floor and as we step in to the elevator the probie looks at me wide eyed and amazed and simply utters "wow."

As the doors close I simply turn to him and say "Welcome to mental health."

Friday, October 26, 2007

So I Procrastinate

So, apparently I suck at writing a blog. I had great intentions back in May when I started this endeavor but now here I sit with only one entry under my belt and five months have passed. I suppose an update is in order. I've found a job, one that actually pays well and meets my needs so I'll be heading back to Pittsburgh in just a few weeks. I'm not going to discuss the details of my new job here, but I will say that it will be fun to work in a new atmosphere.

I've managed to cross a few things off my To Do List, I *may* have an apartment by the end of the day (one bedroom, walk in closets, spacious, in a good neighborhood) and I may have the opportunity to supplement my income as well. So, I'll try to keep everyone posted on what's going on in my life and maybe start this blog out as a running commentary on Hey-Look-At-What-I'm-Doing.

Anyhow, thanks to those who have posted comments on here, I'm going to work harder on keeping this thing up and running.

much love,

~Paramedical Matt

Friday, May 25, 2007


My name is Matthew, I am 28 years of age and I live in a small town in Maine. For the past four years I have been contemplating a move back to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where I went to school to study paramedicine. In recent months I have finally decided that the time has come for me to move on from here again and so I have started a job search. I'm looking for a new career which will allow me to use my paramedic education to serve the greater good. My requirements for this new career are that I must make a decent salary; I must be challenged; I must remain in a position to help others.

A new career is only one facet of the change that I am embarking on. More important than a change in career I need a change in lifestyle. I am twenty eight years old and I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I am not going to mark a goal on here saying I'm going to lose a certain number of pounds by a certain date, nor am i even going to say that I am going to reach a goal weight. I am simply going to say that I am going to be healthy.

I have been able to accomplish any goal that I have set my mind to. When I was pressed to find the funding to go to school I found it. When I had to face my fears and move almost half way across the country I did it. When I decided that failure was not an option in any form I made my way through paramedic school despite great difficulty and dealing with undiagnosed depression that at times was debilitating.

I can be healthy, I can find happiness and I will do it.