What is going on?

You are dispatched to a grocery store in the middle of the night in a neighboring town for a male in his 20s who is dizzy. Upon arrival you see an unkempt male patient who hasn't seen a shower in weeks and who appears to be in no acute distress standing outside of the closed grocery store with a suitcase next to him and holding a bag labeled “patient belongings” You interview the patient to learn that he is not from the region and home is about a 7 hour drive away. His vitals are good, in fact they’re better than yours. His pulse is 62, strong & regular, his blood pressure is 114/68, he is breathing 18 times a minute and his lungs are clear in all fields, the cardiac monitor shows a normal sinus rhythm consistent with his pulse, 12 lead ECG is unremarkable, finger stick blood glucose is 112mg/dl and his pulse ox is 97% on room air. What is going on with this patient?

On How My Family Rocks

The more I sit and think about moving home the more I think about the relationship I have with my family and the more I realize how blessed I am. My parents are great and amazing, they are the two most supportive people and coming out to them was way easier than I thought it would be. They know that I’m gay and they’re cool with it. My mom doesn’t wish that I were straight, she just wishes that life were easier for me. My dad is fiercely protective- a few years ago when I was living at home there was a group of kids walking down the street and one of them dropped an F-bomb (that’s f*ggot, not f*ck), he leaped out of his chair to see who the hell said it and to discern whether or not it was directed at me because he knew I was sitting out on the front porch.

I get along great with my two sisters. I don’t see my eldest sister nearly enough as she and her husband and my nephew live in Colorado. She moved from home as soon as she could after high school and has lived in Texas, Colorado and Massachusetts and now is back in Colorado as that is where my brother-in-law is currently stationed I used to think that I was most like her but I’ve come to learn that I share many traits with both of my sisters. My other sister lives back in Maine with her family, I’ve had more opportunity to spend time with her as an adult than I have with my other sister. Andrea and I have this odd bond. My mom gets irritated sometimes when we don’t make it a point to see each other when I’m in town or before I leave town, but we both know that the other is there should we need anything. When either of us were going through a rough time we would always spend time together, going to lunch, or just getting the hell out of town for an afternoon blasting music in the car on our way to wherever we were going. I know that no matter what my sisters will always be there for me and they know that I will be there for them.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

While at work yesterday my partner and I attended the local Memorial Day ceremonies in the little township in which we work. Speeches were given, essays were read and then the high school marching band played a song. Now, I have yet to ever mention the name of the organization that I work for or the township in which I work and I still will not mention them here. But I will say that I really wish I could state the name of the high school because I want everyone to know that the fuck-wit director of the ******'s Township High School marching chose Cat Scratch Fever to play at the town's Memorial Day ceremony. Yes, that's right folks Cat. Scratch. Fever.

Whiskey.
Tango.
Foxtrot.
Over.

Trip Home

So I've been away for the past week. I took a little trip back to Maine to visit my family and friends. I flew in and out of Manchester, New Hampshire aka Marko's newly adopted homeland, and considering the travel from my parents home to Manchester I don't think I'll opt for the cheap flight again, next time I'll just fly in to Portland, I'll spend a bit more on the air travel but I'll save on fuel getting to and from my parents house.

So, over the past week I've been faced with some new questions to answer, namely whether I want to move back to Maine or not. My friends can argue both sides yet they want me to move home, but they also understand why I moved away and they understand why I moved to the city to begin with. One of my two best friends picked me up at the airport in Manchester when I arrived and from there we proceeded directly to my favorite restaurant for sake & sushi for lunch. After stuffing ourselves we then embarked on the trip to my parent’s house, stopping along the way at the base of one of my former employers so that I could say hello to my other best friend and some other close friends and coworkers. After spending another 45 minutes in the car we arrived at the home of my parents, who just happened to be babysitting my nephew aka The Cutest Baby Ever (TCBE).

It was at this point that I decided that I might want to move back home. You see, my friends and family are everything to me. Without them I cannot live to my complete potential. In the time that I have been gone I have missed out on one quarter of TCBE's life. This child was born 10 weeks premature and prior to my move I saw him at least twice a week and watched him grow from a tiny 3.5lb preemie to the little hellion he is now at the age of two. - 1 point for moving to Maine.

In the following days I visited friends and family and went to see a good friend and former coworker while she was on duty at the base. It was there that she let me see the photo slideshow she's been working on for EMS week and as the photos went by one by one I began to think to myself- these people are my family. This is where I wet my feet as a new EMT-Basic and a new EMT-Paramedic. These are the people who helped to shape me into the EMS provider that I am today. - 1 point for moving to Maine.

I went to visit my old boss and talked to him about the open positions and he more or less sold me on the idea of the open "senior medic" job which would allow me to set my own schedule and go back to school - 1 point for moving back to Maine.

Upon arriving back home I realized that in my absence my parents and grandfather have aged and I have missed out on valuable time with them. Now, of course I don't expect my parents to kick over any time soon as they're only in their late 50s, but still I'd like to spend as much time with them as I can - 1 point for moving back to Maine.

Of course I voiced this desire of mine to my friends and family and my dear friends Ryan & Kalem forced me to think about something. One of the reasons that I moved to the city was to put myself in a more diverse community. As one can imagine the dating pool in rural Maine can be a bit shallow for an amazingly fabulous gay man such as myself. - 1 point for staying in Pittsburgh.

The other thing that I need to take into consideration is the fact that I currently have a job where I have absolutely no stress whatsoever. I go to work, I do my job and I go home. I don’t have other people to worry about; I don’t have any supervisory bull to deal with. I just go to work and do my job. – 1 point for staying in Pittsburgh

Here it is now Saturday evening. I've been back in Pittsburgh for a couple of days and I feel now as though I'm home. Prior to this trip I would get to my apartment and feel like I was just visiting and staying in a hotel. When I was making the drive from the airport to my apartment I thought to myself "this is where I live, I'm not just visiting any more." So now I'm really torn as to what I should do. Both options have their benefits, though moving back to Maine still seems like the right thing to do I can't help but feel as though maybe I should stick it out here in Pittsburgh at least until my lease is up. I have accomplished what I set out to do by moving here and that is to simply prove to myself that I could do it again.

Wednesday Weigh In

My coworkers and I have embarked on our own version of The Biggest Loser. There are seven of us involved and we are each using our own method of weight loss to see who is able to lose the largest percentage of their body weight over a three month period. Each employee is putting in $20 to join in and each week if any weight is gained the employee must add one dollar per pound of weight gained. We're using a scale that measures body weight in addition to body fat and body water by measuring the electrical impedance through the body from one foot to the other.

The initial weigh in was last Wednesday and today marks the results of the first week. I started out last week at 317lbs, 45% body fat, 40% body water, with 39.6 for my BMI. Today's weigh in shows me at 308.8lbs, 43.7% body fat, 40.7% water and a BMI of 38.6 this translates to 8.2lbs lost and a 2.6% reduction in weight. This week I'm tied for first place with another employee for the percentage of weight lost. The Wednesday Weigh in will be a regular feature of this blog because the more people I'm held accountable to the more likely I am to stick with this plan.

This whole process is not a diet, it is lifestyle modification. When I return next week from my vacation to Maine I'm going to start working with a personal trainer who is going to evaluate my eating and lifestyle habits and put me on a workout plan to maximize my weight loss, when the three month challenge is over I plan to continue the weight loss until I reach a healthy weight and BMI.

Wish me luck!

Happy Fake Disease, er...Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

Today, Monday May 12th in this year of our Lord 2008 is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. I cannot possibly top the snark by the likes of MonkeyGirl so I'm not even going to try.

Today is also International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day. Coincidence?

Someone please tell me.

Why? Why after five fucking years do I still have feelings for someone? What exactly our status was back then is debatable, but regardless I was crazy for him, he found someone else and I moved away yet every time he starts to see someone new I get jealous and depressed and I begin to wonder if ever again I will find someone who I feel for in that manner. I'm seriously starting to doubt it. Fuck men. Fuck dating. Fuck relationships. It is apparently not in the cards for me.