Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Gluttony & New Computers

The time came recently to replace my laptop. The trusted, reliable Gateway CX-2618 Convertible (notebook/tablet) PC was having some issues. Basically the outlet on the laptop itself where the power cord plugs in was getting a bit squiffy and it would lose power if I didn't hold it in just the right position whilst standing on my head with the planets properly aligned.

I contacted the fine folks at Best Buy as it is still under the extended warranty but I would have to send it out to their repair center and be without a computer for six weeks. Six weeks during which time I would surely lose my mind so I've decided that I'm going to essentially use the old one as a desktop computer and buy myself a spankin' new laptop. I like it. Its red and pretty and sweet mother of jeebus it is so much faster than the old one.

Every now and then I like to go to a restaurant by myself and sit and people watch and enjoy the meal. So after picking up the new laptop I decided to do just this. There were three tables around me in the little section that I was in and each table played host to a different pair of people. Table 1 was a pair of older women, probably in their mid sixties that sat and ate rather quietly. Table 2 was a married couple in their forties who proclaimed that they had too much food and were stuffed and made casual conversation while dining.

Table three is where things were interesting. This was a couple in their late twenties that appeared to be on a first date. Quite possibly a blind date. The woman was sitting in a booth so that she was facing me and her companion had his back to me. She was well dressed and spoke clearly and enunciated properly when she ordered her simple meal with a salad with an iced tea. Then it came time for the gentleman to order.

"How many motzuhrelluhs come to an owduh?"

"I believe there are six to an order."

"Whut? You mean you don' know? I'll take an owduh of duh motzuhrelluhs and tha fried calamaras. How many ravolis come wit an owduh?"

"Sir, there are eight to an order."

"Ok, I'll have two owduhs of the ravoli and a chicken parmezan wit no sketti and can I gits some fettuhchinis alfreedos as well?"

"Would you like a side of the fettuccine alfredo in place of your spaghetti with the chicken parm or do you mean a full order?"

"Bettuh make it a full owduh, the one wit da shrimps & scallops in it."

"Will that be all?"

"Yeah, can I have a bowl of dat 'talian weddin' soup? Oh and can you brang me a full pitchuh of the Mount Dew, a couple glasses ain't gon' be 'nuf."

Shortly after her salad and his appetizers and salad were delivered to the table He announced "I'll be right back baby, I gots to go piss" and he got up and walked off.

The woman looked mortified and as soon as he was out of earshot I asked her if this was a blind date and she said that it was, they met through an online dating service and had just exchanged a few emails. I asked her if she wanted to get out of the date and had her give me her cell phone number. As soon as her date got back to the table I got up and went to the rest room and called her cell. As I was walking back to my table she set 15 dollars on the table to cover her order and as she was walking away from hers while her date was bitching "Where you goin' baby? I thought we was splittin' tha check fity-fity." She looked at him, told him to get bent and walked out. I'll be damned but the guy sat there and ate his entire order and hers then ordered two pieces of cheesecake for dessert.
This guy ate
1 order fried mozzarella sticks
1 order fried calamari
2 salads (his & hers) with a total of five sides of blue cheese dressing
1 piece lasagna (the woman's entree)
2 orders of ravioli (16 total served in an alfredo looking sauce)
2 pieces of chicken parmesan
1 full order of seafood alfredo
1 bowl of Italian wedding soup
2 pieces of cheesecake
2.5 full pitchers of Mt. Dew!

Surprisingly this dude wasn't a blimp. He was about 6'7" and big, but not fat. I shudder to think of how many calories he had in that one sitting

1 comment:

mainecrashed2 said...

No doubt, he'll be scheduling an endarterectomy as well as a CABG in a short while, all at the expense of "dem hahd workin folk"