Je veux ton amour et je veux ton revenge
Je veux ton amour
I don't want to be friends**
Whenever we have a crisis of some sort, one particular friend and I have been known to encourage one another with the simple phrase “Go big or go home.” This advice could be directed toward anything from the mundane to the massive. With a little bit of prodding from her last night, I decided to take her advice and unleash my true feelings on someone whom I care about deeply. I’m normally the type of person who keeps his feelings bottled up and I tend to maintain a hard protective shell so as to not let anyone see the insecure git that I am on the inside. There are a select few people who I allow to get close to me which is one of the reasons that I have been single for as long as I have. Last night I decided to just let it all out, and tell this man how I feel about him, and the response was just as I suspected it would be. “we’re not right for each other” “it would ruin our friendship” “neither of us is in a position to be in a relationship” Of course, my rational self can see this, however my rational self is often overshadowed by my inner romantic as it was last night and to some degree still is today.
While I realize that the attraction is not mutual and that the feelings are not reciprocated, I’ve come to realize that I’m okay with that. Sure I still may have the fantasy inside my head that things could work out with this man, but I know that right now he isn’t interested in pursuing a romantic adventure with me despite what a fantastic adventure it would be. And I’m okay with that. In a different time, in a different frame of mind this sort of discussion would have sent me spiraling into an angst riddled funk. But it didn’t. I still have feelings for him, strong feelings in fact, but the confirmation that my suspicions were correct that he doesn’t reciprocate the feelings hasn’t changed how I feel about him and it hasn’t changed our friendship. And I’m okay with that.
**Yeah, I quoted Lady Gaga. Deal with it.