Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Things Not To Say In Front of a Patient

Prior to leaving my job in Pittsburgh to come back to Maine my coworkers and I started a list of things never to say in front of a patient. This of course has been edited to remove the profoundly foul things that might enter an EMS providers mind. My apologies in advance to the nurses. I'm sure you're a talented, dedicated, capable individual, but it seems that every nurse that shows up on a scene that I'm at just wants to flaunt their vast lack of knowledge of emergency medicine.

1.) You’re going to feel a little prick (followed by) here comes the little prick.
2.) Did you take the whole bottle of pills? Well why not?
3.) Here’s the gun, here are the shells, we’ll be back in five minutes
4.) It’s his first day
5.) I’ve never seen that before
6.) Here’s your sack, ma’am
7.) Do you have a gag reflex?
8.) Does he normally look like this or does he have some kind of disease?
9.) Would you describe your diarrhea as explosive?
10.) We should be okay, there’s a home health nurse here.
11.) So tell me, when was your last bath?
12.) Have you ever been told you suffer from epiglottal turbulence?
13.) That doesn’t look right.
14.) This is my partner Steve, but his nickname is HandJob
15.) Does the guy with teeth know any information?
16.) Oh you’re a nurse? Great, hold this
17.) That’s a goofy looking kid.
18.) Do I really have to touch him?
19.) (without knowing for sure if she's pregnant) How far along are you?
20.) You shouldn’t smoke, you should shoot heroin
21.) There’s shit everywhere!


mainecrashed2 said...

Let's try not to drop this patient, ok?

Evil Transport Lady said...

Hahahahaha..I can relate to some of them:) And I just transport;)

And to the above commenter.yeah I've thought that;)

mainecrashed2 said...

"OHH! Cool!"